Our newest family member

Photo credit: Annabelle LaVictoire

Born on the Feast of St. Basil, my second granddaughter made her arrival in the wee morning hours. She gave her mama a bit of a challenge, but all was well, and Mom is recovering nicely.

So here is the blog introduction to Miss FJ.

It’s difficult to put into words my thoughts about my third grandchild. All of my grandchildren have been born to sons. That means I am the paternal grandmother, who historically doesn’t get a very good wrap in social media. In fact, that grandmother is also the “Mother-in-law.” Many young moms talk about her with great disdain. Their rhetoric often borders on hateful.

I’ll admit it is a little bit of an uncomfortable place to be. The paternal grandmother is the mother of a grown man. Men don’t want to be mothered. But the young wife has her own mother. That maternal grandmother has her rightful spot next to her daughter. Yet I keep reading about how mothers-in-law keep walking over this boundary. It’s like a no-man ‘s-land.

Years ago, I made a decision when I first became a grandma. My place with my grandchild’s mom was that of a friend. I am friends or friendly with all three of my grandchildren’s moms, and I value those relationships. I also think of them as daughters and I treat them the way I would want my own daughters to be treated – with love and respect. I keep the relationship between Ruth and Naomi in mind as the goal for our relationship.

That’s it. That’s the secret.

It’s been cold and rainy or snowy here in Ohio. I’ll text my daughter-in-law and ask her if she needs anything at the store. Most of the time she doesn’t but sometimes she does and I make sure to get it for her, or get it from Amazon. Because that is what I would want someone to do for me if I was going through new motherhood again. So far that has been my biggest contribution along with a meal.

We did host a pretty great baby shower a few months ago! It’s by doing things like that I’m hoping to say to my DIL, “I love you, I appreciate you, and I’m here to help.”

I think that’s the best way to be a paternal grandmother.