The Power of Listening – My Latest on Catholicmom.com

Back in the 80s, I worked as a medical assistant for an orthopedic surgeon. Most days, I worked alone, handling the billing and the scheduling. Phones were my biggest priority. They were usually very busy the first day after heavy snow or after a weekend with lots of nice weather, particularly in the spring. Those were the days when people went outside after spending lots of time cooped up inside, ready for lots of sports and recreation or vigorous home repairs. And that usually resulted in a lot of orthopedic injuries, including fractures, dislocations, muscle aches, pains, and tears.  

One Monday morning, I arrived after such a weekend. I expected there to be a lot of phone calls and I was right; the phone was ringing off the hook. I will always remember one call in particular. “Good morning. This is Dr. Smith’s office. How may I help you?”

Immediately, a woman on the other end of the phone started screaming at me! She had apparently had some kind of trauma over the weekend and saw Dr. Smith in the emergency room. He told her to call and make an appointment, but she was still in a lot of pain, and her voice was full of fury.  

I quickly tried to de-escalate the call and offered her an appointment that day. But she continued to scream at me and started name-calling. There was nothing I could do to get her to calm down, and after a while, I stopped trying. Since I was alone in the office, I put her phone on speaker and let her keep venting while I started to work through the files on my desk and organize my workload.

Occasionally, I would ask her a question or offer a comment, but mostly, I just let her talk. After a while, I noticed that she wasn’t screaming anymore — she was crying. I picked up the phone and really started to listen to her. She was telling me about her new job and how she couldn’t afford to miss any work, and about how much pain she was in because of her injury.  

And then something remarkable happened. She began asking me questions, and before long, we were engaged in a conversation. Before the call ended, she apologized to me. When she finally made it into the office, she apologized profusely again and even hugged me when I helped her into an exam room.  

As I recall, she did become a surgical patient and had a lot of therapy and follow-up visits. When she was finally discharged from Dr. Smith’s care, she came in with a gift for him, and a sweet card with a gift for me. What started as a very rocky relationship had become very friendly.  

All these decades later, I still remember that call and the lesson I learned that day. More than anything else, this lady needed someone to listen to her and hear her fears. She needed someone to care. All I did, really, was shut up and listen, and that was a valuable lesson to learn. 

Applying the Lesson at Home  

I think sometimes as women and moms, we tend to get into “fix it” mode. We care for injuries, provide meals, dress the family, solve problems, and multitask. But maybe the biggest gift we can give our family, friends, and communities is a willingness to listen. 

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