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1.
I never ever thought that I would feel this way but, I am so freakin happy that Cross Country Season is over! It started off well enough. In fact, we had high hopes that Rosie would meet and maybe exceed her goals. Then it turned into an expensive, physically damaging, emotionally draining, soul-sucking experience.
The only bright spot is that my 3rd-grade granddaughter also started cross country with her CYO team this year. She had no expectations and no experience so it was all wonderful to her.
2.
I’ve talked on this blog a lot about being your own advocate when it comes to medical treatments and advice.
As a homeschooler, I’ve also advocated for being responsible for your kids’ educations. Now as a former dancer, musician, and mother to athletes, I think you also have to advocate for your kids when you entrust them to coaches and teachers.
3.
My mother did that. There was a time when my kid sister was taking violin lessons. She wasn’t really passionate about it and rarely practiced. Her teacher was passionate about the violin and became so impatient with my sister that one day he actually tapped her with his bow … kind of hard. I remember my mom being kind of shocked by that, and while she appreciated his impatience, she didn’t think he needed to lay his bow on her daughter. She paid him and then that was it. Sis never went back.
A few weeks, she was taking from a younger woman who had kids of her own. It was a much better fit and I think my sister continued lessons at least until the end of the school year. As a parent, you have to recognize a bad fit and be willing to move on from there.
4.
I had a similar experience with my daughter who was taking lessons in anatomy for the artist. Izzy was drawing figures from her art text. She had just finished drawing the backside of a nude male figure and was satisfied that she had done a good job. But when her teacher saw it she did some corrections that Izzy just didn’t agree with. “Mom, she gave my figure a saggy butt! I had it just the way I wanted it.”
At that point, I knew that the student had outgrown that teacher, and I was okay with her moving on to find different instruction.
5.
And that goes the other way too. I’ve had teachers tell me that they wanted to end lessons for one reason or another (the last time was because of COVID). I no longer try to plead, bargain, or cajole them into keeping my kid on as a student. When it’s over, it’s over. I either drop lessons or go looking for other opportunities. A teacher or coach who doesn’t want to do it anymore won’t do a good job. It’s not worth trying to make it work out.
6.
But sometimes you’re stuck in a situation where you only have the option of one particular coach, teacher, team etc. In that case, I think it’s incumbent upon the parent to learn as much as they can about whatever their kids are doing so that they know best how to support their child. I learned a lot about running from having my sons go through it. But it was nothing compared to having a talented daughter as a runner. I’d been letting my past experience guide me in guiding her and I also left most of the training decisions up to her coaching.
But when you think about it, that’s kind of ridiculous. The coach only sees the child when they are there. But as a parent, you have to deal with your child all the time. It only makes sense that if something is important to your kid that you put in some time and effort to learn about it too. And that’s what I’m doing for Rosie as a runner going forward.
7.
Rosie paid the price for my complacency.
I did too.
Financially, every time she has been injured we paid for doctor’s visits, lab tests, radiology, and physical therapy. With our crappy insurance last year, that cost was significant. But it also took a toll on my daughter’s sense of well-being and just overall happiness.
When she lost her entire season after a devastating stress fracture, I helped her find joy in other things. There was her joy in piano and in her own art, but also in taking time to meet with her friends and have some parties at the house.
One expected joy has been her Bravewriter classes and her emergence as a budding writer. The feedback from those teachers was just the salve she needed to help heal from her other disappointments.
The overall lesson from that I think is that even when our kids are passionate about a certain activity, it’s our job as parents to make sure they are well rounded in the other aspects of their lives. Their self-worth doesn’t depend on a race, or a performance, or a teacher’s assessment. Anchoring them in their faith as children of God is where they can find the most solace and comfort.
