The stress of dying

I am finding a lot of similarities between natural death and natural birth. You know both of them are going to happen, and we can have a general idea of when, but nothing is set in stone. Imminent death or birth could mean hours to weeks.

So I find myself living my life very similarly to when I was near my due dates with my babies. I am not making any big plans, and any plans I do make have the contingency that they could change at a moment and without notice. My sleeping is troubled making me less on top of my game during the day. And I find myself slacking off on the homeschooling again – not having the desire or the means to carry out all of my carefully crafted plans. We do math and reading and I am happy with that.

Instead of weekly or every other day trips to the doctor or midwife, I have daily trips to hospice. It’s interesting how mom’s behavior is more like infancy as well. She sleeps a lot, lets us know when she wants something, and then sleeps some more. It is a full circle.

More similarities-
instead of a baby book I am planning a funeral mass and obituary.
planning baby pictures- arranging lifelong pictures.

I also tend to be a very visceral person. Stress always shows up on my physically. (For example the day before my wedding I could not move my neck.) And so I guess it should be no surprise that my appetite is gone, my digestion is out of whack, sleep patterns are off, period is off and I think I have been having my first hot flashes. With all that’s going on it is hard to be living a “normal life.” What is a normal life when you are waiting for a loved one to die?

Having the kids around DOES keep me in normalcy. It keeps me from crying all the time, and moping around. It probably keeps me out of the hair of the nurses and hospice people at the nursing home too. The kids still have activities and friends and things they need me to do for them. It’s their presence during all of this that reminds me that this is all part of the cycle of life.

Please browse my eBay items!
Visit my new Amazon Store!