Real intimacy.
After 26 years of marriage, you would think that Mr. Pete and I know each other just about as well as any 2 people could, inside and out. Heck, Mr. Pete has even seen my open pelvis and uterus during my recent C-section operation! That and years of sexual intimacy before we had kids, with little kids in the house, and now with older kids in the house who get grossed out at the idea of their parents actually having sex (we did have a baby this year, so that’s proof positive to them that their parents are still doing it!) and I’d say for the most part we have physical intimacy down.
But you know what’s even more intimate that a physical/sexual relationship with your spouse? Praying together. And that’s something we have always needed a little help with. Now Mr. Pete has become a very spiritual man over the years and it has been awesome for me to watch him grow in holiness. I hope that he can say the same of me. But praying together, as a couple has always been very difficult for us. You’re just so… well naked in a way. You are open before your spouse and before the Lord. It’s always been that way for us.
Now spontaneous prayer, that our Protestant brothers and sisters are so very good at tends to be difficult for us anyway. Maybe it’s a Catholic thing. Maybe it’s because we just weren’t raised with it. ,This became even more abundantly clear when Mr. Pete became sort of the patriarch for our somewhat extended family and had to say grace. A “Bless Us Oh Lord” was about the best he could do. Over time he has been able to add a prelude to that, such as “We thank you Lord for all of our blessings, and for our friends and family gathered here. Bless Us Oh Lord…” It is becoming a learned art.
Finding the right words with meaning just did not seem as eloquent when spoken as we wanted them to sound.
As a couple it was equally difficult. When Raphael died, we would go to the graveside and I wanted Peter to say something profound, meaningful, comforting, hopeful. We would do a Hail Mary, Our Father and a Glory Be and that was pretty much it and it was not enough for me. Poor Mr. Pete. He knew what I wanted but was unable to do that. It was as if he was afraid to find the words, or the words weren’t coming. On Raphael’s first birthday, I took the Mother’s Manual with us and we read the beautiful prayers about the loss of a child and resignation outloud. And the tears flowed from that. Someone else’s words said what was on our hearts. Pete didn’t have to strain and grope to find the words to say what we both felt, and I could hear my husband say the things that I needed to hear. For us that worked.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life though we have been trying to figure out a way to have that type of experience on a more regular, even daily basis. I had been reading the book A Mother’s Rule of Life and came upon the web site. The author, Holly Pierlot had this suggestion for praying together”
But then we found out about Morning and Evening Prayer, from the Liturgy of the Hours. While I already had a 4 volume breviary, we couldn’t afford to buy him a set too, and leaning over a single book together to pray was awkward and un-comfy and we couldn’t maintain it. So, eventually we discovered the book of “Christian Prayer” , available from Catholic Book Publishing Company. Now we can do Morning and Evening Prayer together every day -It provides us with different psalms and readings to say together, taking turns with each stanza; It follows along with the prayer of the Church; it provides change every day and every season so no one gets bored; and having our own books makes it a joy to say. Not to mention, that it is really very quickly done – 15 minutes maximum for each session.
I just love that suggestion! It gives us the words that we need, without us having to re-invent the wheel every day, and it keeps us focused on the liturgical year! So we’re going to give it a go this week and actually try to do this as a couple
Real intimacy after 26 years!! Imagine that!
