1. Sorry for the very slow blogging over the past two weeks. I am trying to get back into full school mode - which for me means:
- All the academics for four kids.
- Supporting Sam as he continues CLEPing through College Plus
- Driving to Izzy's art lessons, soccer, cross country
- Keeping caught up on the laundry and housework
- Cooking every night
- Grocery shopping every weekend with a menu.
- Keeping caught up on my transcription work.
2. In addition, I have some worries this year that are on my mind constantly.
- Sam's slow progress through CLEP (although he feels very prepared for the upcoing Biology exam).
- Izzy's still- ponderous reading and writing (although, I must say that since she is an artist, her copy work is beautiful!)
- Gabe's desire to only play drums with his band and to not do any school work, or any other work of any other kind.
- Noah thinking he might like to become a priest.
- Calvin with problems at work, problems with his course work, and troubling personal life.
3. This has been my toughest year as a church wedding coordinator E-VAH!! and part of me thinks I should probably retire. I have empathy with the bridal families, I do. But when you've lost your parents, a baby, survived two law suits, and been dancing over that poverty line more years than I care to count, it sort of makes little wedding details kind of - well, picayune. Not that details aren't important, but in the large scheme of things I think it's important to keep perspective!
4. I have also been having my own dark days (of the soul perhaps?) I feel alone and lonely, mainly because Mr. Pete has been working so much all the time. And it doesn't really help that the kids are around - I mainly feel that I have to make a lot of the tough decisions about them all of the time too - especially my teenage boys! I feel as if I have to say things with twice the strength, force and authority because I am the mother, the authority - but being only 5 foot 6 1/2 inches to their 6 foot 2 and 3 makes it a little tough. What Mr. Pete can get across in an instant takes me a drawn out logical debate - it's exhausting! Although, to be sure, much of what Mr. Pete says is, "Do what your mom said." So there's that.
5. I miss mom a lot. I think about her death a lot. I think about my own death a lot.
I've been pondering why this grief for my mom is so much longer than the grief I had for my beloved grandparents and my uncle (long-time readers will remember I grew up in a household with my grandparents, my mother, my uncle, my sister and myself). I can com up with two explanations.
- I was in my late teens when grandma died, and late 20s with uncle and grandpa. I had a relationship with my mother that was twice that length.
- I was present for a lot of the dying process and it was really a distressing thing to witness.
- One of the clients I type for is a rehab hospital, much like the one mom spent her last months in. When they talk about ambulating in a hallway, or performing these different therapies, it is that rehab hospital that I picture in my mind, and it is mom that I picture performing these many therapies.
7. Izzy and Noah cleaning the chandelier and putting on all of the crystals (which matched my old crystals perfectly!)