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Dear Newly Wed- You’re Worried About The Wrong Thing!

This article really resonated with me.  I came of age in the 1970s, and although my heart and my soul yearned for babies right away, my liberal Catholic Social Justice teaching made me think otherwise.   Here’s an excerpt:

But I do want you to know that, in general, our society is worried about exactly the wrong thing. We are worried about getting pregnant. We are told we should fear having children too soon. We are told we should fear having too many children. We are told it’s the thing that will ruin our lives. That’s what everyone says.

 The true heartbreak lies in infertility, in subfertility. But “they” won’t tell you that.

 When I was a newlywed, it never would have occurred to me that I wouldn’t have just as many kids as I could possibly want. And I have. But I know enough now to not take it for granted. I’ve brought hundreds of prayer requests from readers along with us on our pilgrimages, and almost HALF of them have been prayers for a child, or another child.

I was lucky.  When Mr. Pete and I finally came around it was not too late to to restore what we had allowed the locusts to consume.  
It’s hard to convince young people of that however.  On that note, I across this post written by a young mom.  

A woman I know of whose kids are all grown up became a marathon runner in her fifties. As a brand new baby runner , I thought this was the coolest thing – and when I ran into her one day, I told her so. 
“I just started running this summer!” I told her enthusiastically. “I really want to run a 5k in the fall.”
She took a deep breath. 

I’m gonna guess she took a deep breath to gather her thoughts, to say what was in her heart, and wonder if she should risk putting herself out there at the risk of being ridiculed and rejected. And as it turns out – she shouldn’t have.

“Oh,” she said, as if I had told her I’d like to dance naked in the kitchen gadget aisle at Walmart on the Lord’s day. She seemed genuinely taken aback. “You’ll have plenty of time for that when your children are grown. Right now you need to focus on your children and your husband.”


Sometimes people say dumb things to me and they catch me off guard and I don’t know what to say because I can’t even believe the level of ignorance. You know? Like would you ever expect anyone to say something so bitchy and condescending and…poisonous? But  I  looked right at her and said, “WHAT?! That is absolutely ridiculous.” And I gave her a nice little speech on why and it felt so good.


 I did write a comment; it never appeared. 

 Basically I told the blogger that her post was one of the reasons I no longer offer friendly advice on line or in person to a young mom unless it is sincerely requested.  I can also be successfully cajoled or bribed.  Otherwise, I know that otherwise, anything I say, even if it is said in a spirit of good will, friendship and sisterly love, will come across as “bitchy, condescending and poisonous.” 

 But remember this young moms- someday with God’s grace, you will be 50-something year old moms too – Good luck with that! What comes around, goes around.

Brit Hume on Planned Parenthood and abortion – awesome!

American Magazine – which dares to still use the word Catholic in their subtitle, falls flat on its face in this article, especially after a SECOND video shows up after it’s publication.

An article on why Christians don’t treat death before birth as seriously as a death after birth.

I’m sorry, but with all the recent advances in medical science how can that be true? If toddlers were dying at the same rate as 12-week old fetuses, the nation would be up in arms about it. However, we just accept the fact that 10% to 15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.
Moreover, women who experience them are expected to just “move on” without making a fuss, treating their loss as a dissapointment, not a death. This holds true in the Christian and the non-Christian community, among both pro-choicers and pro-lifers.
This is unacceptable. I’m not a scientist and don’t know the status of present medical research about miscarriage, but I know this: The problem of miscarriage is not a priority in our country. But since unborn babies are human beings, it ought to be.
I understand, however, why we naturally treat the death of unborn babies differently. The pain from the death of a five-year-old feels far more horrendous than that of a six-week-old fetus. After babies are born the attachment increases between parents and children, making subsequent death more painful to experience.  But a child is a child regardless of where he is located, and regardless of our feelings towards that child we must treat him as such.

Catholic Wife, Catholic Life, blogs on “Why I Don’t and Why I Won’t Use Contraception”  She makes many great points and ends with:

As a side note, I think it’s significant to let you know that I didn’t always think this way — there was a time that I thought I would use contraception — when I even advocated for it… But a few gentle nudges by some kind & caring people helped me to see that contraception would not only hurt me, but it would hurt my future (now) spouse, and our marriage and future children. It’s not healthy. It’s not helpful. It does so much more harm than good.
I don’t think I’m any better than any woman who uses contraception — but I can tell you that I’m better off without it, and I believe everyone would be.

Want to see something beautiful and inspiring in your Instagram – follow Gretchen Saffels at Lifelivedbeautifully She blogs too!

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