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Writing a letter to your confirmation candidate

It seems that one of the biggest events in confirmation preparation in this country is the letters of support to be given to the confirmation candidates during their mandatory retreats.

I have three such letters saved on this blog:

Confirmation letter to my daughterConfirmation letter to my fourth sonConfirmation letter to to my third son
I've asked my children what they remember about the letter they got from me and their dad, and also what they remembered about the letters they received. 
The answer was not much, or at least nothing specific. In general they were happy to have gotten a bag full of letters and there was a sense of feeling loved and supported. I guess that's the main thing - for them to have a sense that this is an important step in their spiritual growth, and that people they know, love and respect have taken the time out of their lives to let them know that! So here are some tips on procuring and writing letters for young confirmation candidates. Start thinkin…

When Women Don't Listen to Women

 photo c908ba81-538e-4c5e-ae69-a08e4b0314d0_zpsl3zu1mnb.jpg
By Jim Bob Duggar (Email from Jim Bob Duggar) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Last Friday I anxiously watched the interview with Megan Kelly and Jessa and Jill Duggar. You can watch their entire video below.



I wanted to hear their take on the molestation issue with their brother because they were the victims. These girls lived through it and moved on with their lives and I wanted to hear the the context of their story, instead of having the situation filtered through the lenses of the tabloids and social media.

Jessa and Jill are in their early 20s, with new husbands and raising their own families now. They were poised and well spoken and it was clear that they were anxious to put their words out there and take back control of their story. Overall, I think they were successful and I think the interview did a lot to put this scandal into perspective and give it focus.




I was surprised then to find that even though these ladies bravely presented their story, their way, it didn't seem to matter.

This is a story about women, told by the women involved. And yet other women didn't listen, didn't care or discounted their interview completely.  Here are some examples from Twitter.










When I used to give the confirmation talk for the girls in our parish, I pointed out that girls and women are hardest on each other. We will demonize each other and tear ourselves apart with our sharp tongues and cutting words.

But it's worse than that - most of the time, we don't even listen to one another. I had an experience like that after my first C-section. When I tried to share the trauma and sadness of that experience, especially to my female friends, no one wanted to hear it. After all, I lived through it and had a healthy baby right?

And I admit that I have not listened to important women in my life too.  For months before we knew my mother was dying, she would share with me how profoundly tired she was every day. I would brush it off or tell her to exercise more or some other stupid thing instead of really listening to her and helping her to deal with what she was going through.

I blogged about this back in 2009.

The Duggar girls were sincere and spoke honestly from their heart. But they were discounted by many because they were -

  • Young
  • Conservative Christians
  • Homeschooled 
  • and for simply being part of the Duggar family. 
but mostly I think because they are women. It's a shame that at least other women didn't at least give their account the credence it deserved. 



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