Monday, June 10, 2013

The Woes of Mothering the adult, (or nearly adult) child.


It started a couple of months ago... I started to hear Sam and Gabe talk about something between themselves. Sounded like banana or bon bon and kangaroo... I didn't think much of it. Then I saw in one of their Facebook statuses that they wanted to go to something called Bonnaroo. And again, I didn't think much of it. It seemed to cost more money than they had and I knew Gabe would never be able to swing it. I couldn't imagine them going in Sam's old car either.

Nor could I imagine that Mr. Pete would actually enable them to make it happen!!! But on this one, it turns out we are NOT on the same page. Mr. Pete allowed them to make payments via his credit card and have Sam pay him back in cash. Mr. Pete also told them to, "Go ahead!!!... use the family tent - we won't need it until later in the summer!"

And to my horror, gradually things started to come together. Sam has a great gig this summer as a landscaper and he easily has the money to spend. Gabe also got in a lot of reffing games the end of the season and also spent some time landscaping. Mr. Pete pronounced the old car road worthy - and so despite my protestations (i.e. "It's too far." "It's too expensive." "What if something happens?") They're going.

My next hope was that I myself would be out of town when they were out of town - thus sparing me the anxiety of wondering if they made it and if everything was alright. That ain't happening either. Since this festival starts Thursday, they are leaving Wednesday. Unfortunately I am not leaving until Friday. So I will have two days to think and stew before I have another distraction.

But what we're really seeing here, so late into our marriage, is another difference in the way Mr. Pete and I look at things. He is looking at this, remembering his own desire to be adventurous and free as a young man in his late teens and early 20s. I am looking at it as a potential disaster waiting to happen.

Long time readers might remember my somewhat high familiarity with terrible car accidents. (See here, here, here, and here!).  That's probably why the idea of this just makes me bristle.


and I probably don't need to mention that the seed to this adventure started with a particular girl - a young lady who now holds more sway and persuasion than I do any more - especially with Sam and Gabe.


So Wednesday morning they will take off with our tent and cooler, and all of the water and food they could afford.  And Mr. Pete and I will probably get up to see them off.  I don't know how I will feel then - probably numb. I'm not sure how I will feel towards my husband - probably dumbfounded.

I'm feeling very nostalgic for the days when my problems with the kids could be solved with a cookie, and a nap!




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7 comments:

Elena LaVictoire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chrissy said...

It is so much harder when they are out in the big wide world. My oldest, aged 17 is working her first real job. She is a hostess at a restaurant. She's there one week and proceeds to drop a glass, which shattered in her hand as she tried to catch it and prevent it breaking. She cut a tendon, a nerve and an artery and had surgery one week later and has months of occupational therapy ahead so she can (hopefully) regain full use of her thumb. She is lucky, the surgeon said, that she didn't lose it altogether. She starts college in the fall (living at home, Thanks be to God!). I pray constantly. I worry constantly. You are right. So much easier when things could be solved with a cookie and a nap.

Elena LaVictoire said...

Ouch Chrissy! I'm glad she kept her thumb!! and I hope that her college experience is not as eventful as her waitressing! Thanks for sharing.

Elena LaVictoire said...

I would respectfully point out that since Katia's kid is in diapers and yours is only 4, that you really do not understand my worries. Get back to me in 16 years.

Janette said...

You know my children are older then yours -28&29.
I worried- to a point- but I stepped back and permitted them to grow up and be their own people trusting God would provide for them as He had for me.
Both are married. Neither lived with their spouse before marriage. Both made choices I never would have.

The reality is no matter the kind of schooling, children will always pick and choose what they wish. It is their free will. I cannot pick the challenges God sets forth as they enter adulthood. Those choices make them into the adults He desires.

I am holding my second grandchild, my third is due in July. I'll put a son on the plane with his troops three weeks after his daughter is born. My daughter will help his wife with breast feeding and baby raising.

I do not know how long He will entrust any of my family to this Earth, but I trust He will find their hearts open to Him when He calls..
I have decided that is the end game - to provide Godly leaders for the next generation.

Elena LaVictoire said...

Janette, I'm glad to hear from you! I was checking your blog to find out about the baby - didn't realize you had two coming!! It will be an amazing summer for you.

Prayers and blessings to your brave son for his service.


My boys arrived safe and sound yesterday. They got their tent up before the thunder storm. I read a NYT story about Bonnarroo from last year and they had over 80,000 people attend - I'm sure there will be plenty of stories and blog fodder from their stories next week!

Anxious to hear more about your new grandchildren Janette, thanks for stopping by!

Elena LaVictoire said...

Here's the difference - your baby was not exercising his free will.

My boys have free will to spare! as do their friends.

That takes it to an entirely different level. Once again, wait 14 years or so and you'll see what I'm talking about!

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