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The bad times

I received some criticism recently that I never put anything negative about myself on my blog. Apparently my critic missed this analysis of my children. Nonetheless, I feel like sharing some of the "bad and the ugly" having just come out of Lent and all.

On Holy Saturday I was riding pretty high. I had a lot of transcription work to do even though it was Easter, but I was looking forward to the fruits of that labor in the form of some hefty pay checks. I had gone to confession a few days before and actually felt very spiritually fresh and clean! I had some pretty dresses for the girls and I was just generally looking forward to making beautiful music with the Music Ministry that night at the Easter Vigil.

I might have mentioned in a previous post that last month, for the first time in my adult life, I bought a brand spanking new range with the glass top. The kind that looks so pretty and new and that you don't have to pull off the burners to scrub under. I had long wanted such a stove AND I really wanted this type because of its elegant clean look.

This is what it looked like

Yes, that was the past tense. As I typed furiously away in my office, I heard a huge crash. My oldest son, dropped a pan from the top of the fridge onto my new glass top oven and smashed it. I hadn't even had it a month.

I frequently tell my children that we should just have a "Smash-a-thon" and get it over with. Let's get all of the things I love and hold dear, like my grandmother's china, and the crystal vase I got as a wedding present, and let's just smash them all at once and get it over with instead of breaking one heartbreaking piece at a time. Let's just cut my heart out and get it over with. The kids hate it when I mention the "smash-a-thon" and honestly my need to speak of it has diminished some over the years. Of course, so have the breakable items. However, when that stove top cracked, I was livid. I screamed and raved. So much for my shiny clean soul. I was so angry I didn't think I could even go to communion that night at the vigil.

My sister calmed me down. She told me that there are more important things in life, and there are. I would rather smash a stove top than to lose one of my children. I knew it was an accident and that Calvin felt very bad about it. After a couple of hours I did apologize to him for losing my temper. We hugged and made up. The stove top is still smashed. Such is life.

While I'm sharing the negatives I guess I can share the big one that happened this morning. Today was Mr. Pete's first chance to cantor at mass. He has a lovely singing voice and he loves to sing. He has been with our Music Ministry for a few years now and done some solos, but today, finally he got a chance to cantor! He was excited. I was thrilled. I had a friend sit and get some pictures. Earlier I had helped him with his phrasing for the gosple acclamation, and I offered some advice from my lectoring days, to get the pronunciations of any names, like anyone who died that week in the parish or if the mass was being offered for someone. Shortly before mass started, I wished him good luck, but I didn't think he heard me because he was looking at his music. Just before it was time for mass to start I reached over again to tell him good luck. It was like trying to pet a wild dog.

"Just stop it okay! Stop it. Just be quiet."

Okay. I could attribute that to nerves. But it still hurt. And it was embarrassing in front of the other members of the music group. I couldn't look at him. I didn't even hear him sing, even though I was sitting six feet away. I went from being an enthusiastic fan and a proud wife to feeling like a hurt and humiliated child. Sitting through mass I had to fight back thoughts of retaliation and resentment. This is going to take me a little longer to get over than the smashed stove top! Gosh it hasn't even been two weeks since my last confession, and I still haven't been able to get to communion because of the anger and pain in my heart towards a member of my own family over something stupid!!

So there you have it. Not everything is perfect in My Domestic Church. Never said it was. We just try to deal with that and with each other.

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