Gregory Popcak of Heart Mind and Strength had a very good article on the church’s teaching regarding family size and NFP. I think it could be very helpful to families in all of the different phases of family life.
Here are the main points and excerpts below.
1. Live a Holy Life.
“The most important thing,” says Lawler, “is that a family is trying to live a holy life. A family that seeks God’s will in all things is most likely to know in their hearts what God wants of them with their family size. And they will be willing to accept that whatever it is.”2. Have an Open Heart.
In my practice, I encourage the couples I counsel to cultivate a loving, open attitude toward all children, especially their own, because children are God’s most precious gift, a treasure beyond words. Is your heart in the right place when it comes to the gift of children?
3. Make an Honest Accounting
If this is true, this couple may have a serious, moral obligation to either correct this problem before having another child or at least be conscientiously addressing the problems while pursuing conception. To ignore such problems offends justice by potentially robbing the family of the right to live in a stable, loving environment that celebrates all the virtues which “allow the family to live life as a gift.” (Evangelium Vitae).4. Acknowledge the Sadness of Saying, “Not right now.”
Whether or not you and your mate ultimately decide to have another child this month, the thought of not having another child should be attended by some sadness. After all, even if we have very good reasons, we are still saying, “No thank you” to a beautiful gift. A couple can know that their hearts are in the right place if, says Christopher West, they can answer the following question in the negative. “Are you rejoicing that you have found a reason not to have children?” West goes on to explain that a couple need not be consumed by despair at the thought of not having another child at this time, but that the couple whose heart and conscience are properly formed will feel some sadness when they think about having to say “Not right now” to the gift of life.
But, even if they feel that tinge of sadness, how can a couple know if they truly have a valid reason to postpone pregnancy? Must that reason be absolutely incontrovertible? “No,” says Lawler, “The Church tells us that there are some things that we have to have good reasons to do, and some things that we have to have good reasons not to do. Having children is one thing the Church tells us that we have to have good reasons not to do. But those reasons do not have to be incredibly good [read, “incontrovertibly good.”]. They have to be reasons that the couple agree on and, through prayer, believe in their hearts to be good and godly reasons for them.”5. Pray. Discuss. Pray. Discuss. Pray. Discuss…. Agree.
This cycle of pray, discuss, pray, discuss, pray, discuss needs to continue until the couple reaches consensus because the gift of life is something to be shared.6. Keep the Question Open.
Regardless of what you think the answer is today, the question of whether or not to have another child should be a question the couple asks themselves monthly, as long as their fertility continues. Each month, the couple needs to discern whether God is calling them to strengthen the community of love that already exists, or he is calling them to add a new member to their already vital and intimate community of love.
Following these simple steps gives you the opportunity to become the community of love the Lord calls each of us to be by helping you balance the unitive and procreative ends of your marriage, and by inviting God into the heart of your family life.
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