My lesson

I feel like the Lord has put the three items I blogged on today squarely in my way, to think on, to ponder, and to finally bend my will.

I have admired Blessed Gianna ever since I first heard of her, probably for the same reasons my oldest son has always admired Father Damien. Both people were completely selfless and willing to pay with their lives so that others could live. They gave real and concrete meaning to Jesus’ words “laying down ones life.”

Ya know, I’ve got the sacrifice thing down. I have given over my time, talent, physical body over for the good of my husband and my family. I understand that part and I have done so and will continue to do so without question. I know myself that well.

However it is this part “For he has looked upon his handmaid’s lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.” that continues to give me trouble.

I don’t want to be lowly, sometimes I resent being a handmaid, and although the Lord has done great things for me, I have a great deal of difficulty lifting my head out of my private pity party to notice them!!

Lastly, I think the answer for me comes from the Holy Father speaking about Mary, “”She exhorts us, above all, to humility so that God will find room in our hearts, not darkened by pride and arrogance,” he explained.

and

will enlighten those who lie in darkness and in the shadow of death,”

It is my pride and my arrogance that keeps me from giving completely… I give but not with the complete joy and trust that I should. I live in the darkness at times, thinking about Raphael, or my financial difficulties, growing older, my children growing up, people who irritate me etc. I don’t dwell on the good that has come out of the very situations I fuss about!! and now that I am inches away from really being done with the busyness of Christmas preparations, I can take some time to just be still, to lie in the darkness and wait for that enlightenment and pray that it comes.